How often does one go on tormenting one's self? When is enough...enough? Who should we ask....who should we tell?
Fear is a horrible thing that can paralyze your very being and numb your mind to nothingness. Yet you don't see it, nor do you acknowledge it, for it has become a way of life for so many poor souls out there. A life that seems normal to them, for their mind has been manipulated and moulded into believing this. Very often, by the one that is supposed to love them the most, their partner, their mother, their father, brother or sister. Does it really matter who?
There's nowhere to run nor anywhere to hide because they will find you. Besides where are you going to run after having hidden this fear for so long. Who would believe you or at least that is what you've been led to believe.
Anyone out there that knows what I'm speaking about...yes you...listen to me, please. It's the first step that's the most difficult and believe me it's the scariest step you will ever take, but once you've taken it you will find an abundance of help out there. There is no shame in taking someone's outstretched hand and letting them know that you may need help.
I know you've been led to believe that there's nothing wrong with the treatment you are receiving right now. That one hit...that one nasty name...that one discustingly filthy act you were forced to do or share. I say one because it only takes once.....and even once is too much! You don't deserve it and believe me when I say that if you take that first scary step, there will always be someone waiting there to help or to get you help.
No matter how scary it is...can it honestly be as bad as what it is now....the fear you feel when you see that look that tells you it's coming.....the slew of degrading name calling....the lovemaking that's more like rape than just the nasty sex that it is....the taste of blood in your mouth and the feeling of the welts swelling all over your body from the beatings. The fear you feel each time you open the door to your own home.
Listen to me please....take that first step you dread so much and I assure you you'll never turn back. I'm not saying you won't be scared having to learn how to live all over again, but you will never again have to feel that horrible discusting feeling in the pit of your stomach each and every time you think of home because that's not what will be waiting for you.
Once you take that step....ask for help...a neighbour...a church...a fireman....a police officer, your boss. It doesn't really matter because you could stop a stranger on the street and believe me they will help you. I know.......
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
THINK ABOUT IT!
Judge not is what has been said, yet on a daily basis people judge without understanding their judgements or even acknowleding them. How unfortunate that they can not act as they preach.
Judgement comes in many forms....verbal....thought....image. How often do you hear someone complaining about how someone dresses, talks, walks or acts. These are things that make each person an individual and yet...there are those that critisize these same things when discussing someone. How thoughtless.
It is not up to someone to talk, dress, act or walk the way people expect it of them. That is simply hypocracy. If I have to dress to please you, to walk the way you want me to walk, to talk as you do, then I might as well become you and not develope my own person.
People wake up!!! Even Jesus didn't judge Mary, instead he took her hand and said "let he among you that is without sin cast the first stone" Take it easy people...there is more to worry about on this planet then how someone dresses, acts, speaks walk...etc. Instead of judging your neighbour, hold their hand and look for a way to save the starving children, stop the oil leaks that are killing so many birds, fish mammels. Find a way to stop prejudice of religion, race or sex. Make certain our children are well cared for and protected from violence within the home and on our streets.
What's wrong with you people!!! Wake up and take our serious problems in hand rather than to sit their judging something that's really not hurting any of you.
People must unite as one! People must stop fretting over meaningless things and begin to worry about what is truly hurting our planet, our atmosphere our children, our people as a whole. Unite and become one!
Judgement comes in many forms....verbal....thought....image. How often do you hear someone complaining about how someone dresses, talks, walks or acts. These are things that make each person an individual and yet...there are those that critisize these same things when discussing someone. How thoughtless.
It is not up to someone to talk, dress, act or walk the way people expect it of them. That is simply hypocracy. If I have to dress to please you, to walk the way you want me to walk, to talk as you do, then I might as well become you and not develope my own person.
People wake up!!! Even Jesus didn't judge Mary, instead he took her hand and said "let he among you that is without sin cast the first stone" Take it easy people...there is more to worry about on this planet then how someone dresses, acts, speaks walk...etc. Instead of judging your neighbour, hold their hand and look for a way to save the starving children, stop the oil leaks that are killing so many birds, fish mammels. Find a way to stop prejudice of religion, race or sex. Make certain our children are well cared for and protected from violence within the home and on our streets.
What's wrong with you people!!! Wake up and take our serious problems in hand rather than to sit their judging something that's really not hurting any of you.
People must unite as one! People must stop fretting over meaningless things and begin to worry about what is truly hurting our planet, our atmosphere our children, our people as a whole. Unite and become one!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
MEZMERIZED
I think of you and my heartbeat suddenly quickens as I gasp a slight, almost silent breath. A smile slowly forms upon my lips as I reflect over subtle, tiny gestures you've managed to let escape your ever so protected soul.
We both know it's there, yet neither of us dare to allow the thought to go any further. It's almost as if we're terrified that something or someone may infiltrate our thoughts and burst our tiny, little bubble.
So many years have come and gone riddled with good and bad, happiness and sadness...love and hate. But we've managed to overcome it all and now we are where we are....silently smiling to ourselves and the knowledge that we remain mezmerized by one another.
Everyday now is a blessing and every moment shared in one anothers company is a gift that we each cherish in our own way. People are correct when they state that we don't have what others do. It's just so unfortunate that they can't see what we do have together.
Sometimes I feel they may be jealous of how precious what we have is and the rest of the time I think they may just be dumbfounded at not having seen it earlier. But that's ok....because we know what we share....and that is what is important. That and the fact that after all these years we can still remain mezmerized by one another.
My heart is within your hands as yours is within mine. I will embrace it and care for it....love it and comfort it for however long you allow me to....as I know you will be doing the same. They may not understand....but that's ok because love is not supposed to be understood. It's supposed to be experienced, cherished and embraced forever....not analyzed.
We both know it's there, yet neither of us dare to allow the thought to go any further. It's almost as if we're terrified that something or someone may infiltrate our thoughts and burst our tiny, little bubble.
So many years have come and gone riddled with good and bad, happiness and sadness...love and hate. But we've managed to overcome it all and now we are where we are....silently smiling to ourselves and the knowledge that we remain mezmerized by one another.
Everyday now is a blessing and every moment shared in one anothers company is a gift that we each cherish in our own way. People are correct when they state that we don't have what others do. It's just so unfortunate that they can't see what we do have together.
Sometimes I feel they may be jealous of how precious what we have is and the rest of the time I think they may just be dumbfounded at not having seen it earlier. But that's ok....because we know what we share....and that is what is important. That and the fact that after all these years we can still remain mezmerized by one another.
My heart is within your hands as yours is within mine. I will embrace it and care for it....love it and comfort it for however long you allow me to....as I know you will be doing the same. They may not understand....but that's ok because love is not supposed to be understood. It's supposed to be experienced, cherished and embraced forever....not analyzed.
Monday, June 21, 2010
WITH EVERY BAD THERE'S 100 GOODS
I woke up this morning with you on my mind. As I opened my eyes, I stretched and turned to see you, however, there was no you.....your side of the bed left empty. A twing of sadness slowly crept up...then I heard the birds singing their joyful good morning chirps. I smiled and got out of bed.
Promptly at 5 a.m. my driver was in front of the door and I closed the door behind me feeling the morning sun on my skin and my heart began to smile. Getting into the car Fritz (my driver) and I had joyful conversation the whole way to work. He had a Timmy's coffee and a carrot muffin waiting for me as he always does. His soothing voice wished me a good day as I got out of the car.
I look forward to a day of challenges, wonderful collegues whom I will listen to all day, laughing and sharing with me all of their weekends. Grissel about her new house, Olga about her dreams of decorating her kitchen, Rose laughing about her beautiful little daughter Melina. How good does it get.
I will then get home to my wonderful children and listen to their days activities...the good, the bad and the ugly. I will kiss my wonderful grandsons Steven and Michael and basque in their hugs and siliva filled kisses which only a grandmother can love.
Then I'll return to my empty bed......but who cares....because tomorrow I will get up to another wonderful day filled with love, family and friends. Can it get any better.....?
Promptly at 5 a.m. my driver was in front of the door and I closed the door behind me feeling the morning sun on my skin and my heart began to smile. Getting into the car Fritz (my driver) and I had joyful conversation the whole way to work. He had a Timmy's coffee and a carrot muffin waiting for me as he always does. His soothing voice wished me a good day as I got out of the car.
I look forward to a day of challenges, wonderful collegues whom I will listen to all day, laughing and sharing with me all of their weekends. Grissel about her new house, Olga about her dreams of decorating her kitchen, Rose laughing about her beautiful little daughter Melina. How good does it get.
I will then get home to my wonderful children and listen to their days activities...the good, the bad and the ugly. I will kiss my wonderful grandsons Steven and Michael and basque in their hugs and siliva filled kisses which only a grandmother can love.
Then I'll return to my empty bed......but who cares....because tomorrow I will get up to another wonderful day filled with love, family and friends. Can it get any better.....?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
And Gratefully I Follow
Swimming in the essence of your aura
I fall on bent knees
And worship just the thought of you,
For it is this thought
That has kept me going
Through endless trials
And countless rocky journeys
And seemingly no win situations.
I pull my stregnth from yours
And gain power from the knowledge
That you are there with me always,
Walking by my side and facing
Each of my battles with me.
And when it seems fruitless to try any longer
I think of you and my faith is restored.
I regain my power, my will and my need to go on
And I remember that you help those
Who help themselves.
I scorn my weakness
In the rememberance of your stregnth
And I begin to walk again.
Only now I do so in your shadow
for you have taken the lead.
How Fortunate I Am
Strange, no matter how sad or frustrated we feel when we wake up, the moment we walk out the door and feel the warm embrace of the sun our hearts suddenly smile. We take that deep breath and we're ready to face the day. Our wake up mood gets left behind as we close the door on it and begin our day.
I woke up thinking of my Dad's funeral tomorrow, missing him terribly. Then my thoughts strayed to my friends JG and his wife J.. who just had to terminate a six month pregnancy because of complications and my heart swelled with grief for them and for their unborn child who would never be given a chance at life, because it could never have a normal life according to all the specialists. I then realized how fortunate I truly am and once that sun embraced me and comforted me I let out a breath of relief. If feel selfish for doing so, yet I can't control it.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not smiling and laughing histerically...but I'm at peace within. The frustration and sadness I woke up with has lifted and has been replaced with acceptance and the knowledge that life goes on and we don't do any good to anyone by carrying that negativity around. If a smile goes a long way, then I'm praying that one of my smiles can bring the same peace to someone that the sun has brought me today.
I looked at a very powerful picture this morning. It was one of Kevin Carters Pulitzer prize photographs taken in 1994 during the Sudan Famine. It's a tiny child crouched and trying to crawl to the food bank, which is a kilometer away. There's a vulture in the back ground just waitng for the child to die so that he can feast on the tiny mound of skin and bones. Once again, I realized how very fortunate I am and as Kevin Carter said in his journal that day "I will never again let my food go to waste, no matter how full I am, I will eat it." Kevin comitted suicide about 3 months later due to depression.
I reflect over tiny portions of my life and realize that no matter how bad certain things were, I was never as unfortunate as my friends JG and J.., Kevin Carter or that beautiful little child who's tiny corpse eventually got devoured by the vulture. I also came to the realization that there's nothing for me to truly complain about. Life is filled with tribulations, some big and some small yet if we think about it even our big ones seem miniscule in comparrison to so many others. Again, how blessed I've been and how fortunate I am....
I woke up thinking of my Dad's funeral tomorrow, missing him terribly. Then my thoughts strayed to my friends JG and his wife J.. who just had to terminate a six month pregnancy because of complications and my heart swelled with grief for them and for their unborn child who would never be given a chance at life, because it could never have a normal life according to all the specialists. I then realized how fortunate I truly am and once that sun embraced me and comforted me I let out a breath of relief. If feel selfish for doing so, yet I can't control it.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not smiling and laughing histerically...but I'm at peace within. The frustration and sadness I woke up with has lifted and has been replaced with acceptance and the knowledge that life goes on and we don't do any good to anyone by carrying that negativity around. If a smile goes a long way, then I'm praying that one of my smiles can bring the same peace to someone that the sun has brought me today.
I looked at a very powerful picture this morning. It was one of Kevin Carters Pulitzer prize photographs taken in 1994 during the Sudan Famine. It's a tiny child crouched and trying to crawl to the food bank, which is a kilometer away. There's a vulture in the back ground just waitng for the child to die so that he can feast on the tiny mound of skin and bones. Once again, I realized how very fortunate I am and as Kevin Carter said in his journal that day "I will never again let my food go to waste, no matter how full I am, I will eat it." Kevin comitted suicide about 3 months later due to depression.
I reflect over tiny portions of my life and realize that no matter how bad certain things were, I was never as unfortunate as my friends JG and J.., Kevin Carter or that beautiful little child who's tiny corpse eventually got devoured by the vulture. I also came to the realization that there's nothing for me to truly complain about. Life is filled with tribulations, some big and some small yet if we think about it even our big ones seem miniscule in comparrison to so many others. Again, how blessed I've been and how fortunate I am....
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